Daydream or nightmare?
by mediwitch3
Summary: There is language in this fic. Kyle and Cartman are both gay. they are paired for the baby project, it's a real baby, they have to live together for two months. there is an OC, and she's a main character, no like no read. NO FLAMES ARE ACCEPTED! KyCart
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story is in Kyle's POV for the most part. And they are in their senior year of high school. _**THERE IS SOME LANGUAGE IN THIS FIC, NO LIKE NO READ! Also this is KyleCartman, NO LIKE NO READ.**_ This is my first fanfiction not related to Harry Potter, so be nice. The idea for the story was originally a fantasy about me and my crush, and then I realized it would be a good idea for a fanfiction. _**NO FLAMES ON THIS FIC, IF YOU FLAME I'LL HAVE MY AGENT "SPEAK TO YOU PRIVATELY". **_So yeah, here.

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"Okay everyone, settle down now," Garrison ordered. " Goddammit! I SAID SETTLE DOWN! JUST BECAUSE THIS IS HUMAN DEVELOPMENT, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF GODDAMN HOOLIGANS!" That shut them up.

"Moving on. Children, today you will get your first assignment--" Garrison was interrupted by the stupid fat ass raising his hand. He's probably gonna ask some retarded question. Let's all watch, boys and girls!

"Uh yeah, Misteh Garrison, if this is human development does that mean we can scream random words referring to sex?" Of course. I knew it. I'd say I told you so but then I would be talking to myself.

"Yeah, Mr. Garrison, can we!? Pleeeeeease!?" Oh my god, Kenny. Honestly, am I the only one who doesn't find genitals a laughable subject?

"Kenny, really? I thought better of you. I really did." Alexandra turned her nose up at the hooded boy, causing his mouth to shut immediately. Ah, Alexandra. Ever since she was transferred into this class, Kenny's been a drooling puppy for her.

" Um, no. No you may not. It's hard enough me having to teach this class after my confusing sexuality." Garrison is crazy. You never know if he's a male, or a female. NEVER! That's why I just call him Garrison.

"Alright, listen up. This is the assignment: you have to care for a baby for two months. You will be partnered off with classmates. You cannot choose your partner. You must take the baby with you EVERYWHERE! You will live in the same apartment as your partner. You will have 300$ a week to spend on the baby, food and clothes. NO EXCEPTIONS. It is called the Simulated Marriage Assignment, or S.M.A.."

By baby I assume he meant, like, a doll, or an egg, or maybe a sack of flour.

"Okay, don't blame me, but there are more boys then girls in this class so there will be one pair of two boys. Here are your partners: Wendy and Stan, Alexandra and Kenny . . . " I tuned out, half listening for my name. Stan'll be happy at being paired with Wendy. I swear, even if he is my super best friend, he is so blind sometimes. In his eyes, Wendy can do no wrong. But in reality, there's no nice way to put it, she's a bitch. Him and Kenny are so lucky. Stan got paired with his girlfriend, and it's widely known that Kenny is practically in love with Alexandra. In fact, the only one who doesn't know is the girl herself. I rolled my green eyes sarcastically. Another genius in the class.

" . . . and lastly, Eric and Kyle will be the male/male partnership. Congratulations, fags."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. ME and CARTMAN!? What the HELL!? No, 'what the hell' doesn't quite cover it. Oh, okay, um, how about: WHAT THE FUCK!? DOES GOD FUCKING _**HATE**_ ME!? WHAT DID I DO TO FUCKING DESERVE _**THIS**_!?

"Well, well, well, Kahl, looks like you and me are parents. I always knew you were a fag! AHA! HAHAHAHA!" Nine years and the asshole still can't pronounce my name right.

"YOU ASSHOLE! IF I'M GAY AND YOU'RE THE 'FATHER' OF MY KID, THEN YOU'RE GAY TOO, DUMB ASS!" Cartman stopped laughing, and I smirked. Then I stopped smirking. He had that look on his face, the one that make Godzilla piss his pants. Yeah THAT scary.

"Aha, Kahl, I see you said 'father', and you know I must agree, Kahl, as you would never be the man in any relationship." Okay, THAT pissed me off. Time to hit below the belt.

" Whatever, fat ass, I'd rather be gay than a potato like you." Cartman opened his mouth to reply, but Garrison cut him off.

"That's enough, Eric, Kyle. Okay class, when I call your name come get your baby. Alexandra." She walked up to the cots at the front of the room, and reached into one with a pink card on the front, and lifted a very realistic doll out. It was adorable! It looked like a newborn from the hospital. It - _she_ - was wrapped in a pink blanket, and had a pink hat. Babies come with hats? Huh.

" HOLY SHIT DUDE! MR. GARRISON, SHE'S REAL!" Wait, real, as in: _living_, and _breathing_?

"Oh did I forget to tell you guys? They're real. All of them. The school board decided that dolls, eggs, and flour sacs didn't show you how it was caring for a real baby. Besides, most of the time people would just shove the it under the bed, and leave it there, and you can't do that with a real baby, now can you!? Now, what would you like to name your little girl?"

"Where did these kids come from!?"

"An orphanage in Denver was willing to lend us the children for the sake of the project," Garrison waved his hand dismissively. I wasn't going to question it; this is South Park, after all.

"Now, a name . . .?"

"Arianna."

"Don't you want to discuss it with Kenny?" She looked at Kenny, and Kenny just gave her the thumbs up. She smiled then said, "Nope." The whole class laughed. Alexandra's popular as anything. And God, she's pretty. Curly brown hair with hazel eyes and elvish ears, and tall to boot. But behind those eyes sparkled something mischievous. God forbid you lie to that girl. I knew about the noodle incident, that time where she convinced Butters to- no, never mind. I'd just eaten lunch. Not the time to suddenly remember the noodle incident.

"Wendy, come get your child."

Wendy walked confidently to the front of the room, picking up a small, pink-skinned girl.

"Name, Wendy?"

"Prudence."

"Are you going to discuss with Stan?"

"Uh, no." Jesus Christ. Prudence? Does she really hate the kid that much already?

I watched as people went up and picked kids, waiting until my name was called. Grimly, the fatass and I walked to the front of the room. There were only two babies left.

"Um, Kyle? The orphanage gave us specific instructions that these two were not to be separated. They're twins."

Great. I'm stuck with double the work since Cartman isn't gonna do a single fucking thing!

"Names?"

"Um how about Madeline for the girl, and--"

"Adolf!"

"NO, CARTMAN! I'M NOT NAMING THE POOR KID AFTER HITLER!" I shouted, to nobody's surprise. Cartman loved to instigate what he called my 'Jew temper'.

"Well then! How about, Athuse?"

"Not his middle name either, you racist piece of shit!"

"Kahl, Kahl, Kahl. I let you pick the girl's name, because you know more about girls than me, but seeing as I am a boy, I should, therefore, pick the name."

"No, Cartman, because you would pick Hitler's name!"

"Well, Kahl, if you need get the sand out of you vagina, then you know where the bathroom is."

"WOULD YOU TWO JUST PICK A NAME!?"

"Yeesh! Um, Cartman, how about Hunter?" I stared him down as if to say 'say yes or I will HUNT you down and kill you.'

"Well, I don't know . . ." he drawled infuriatingly.

I looked at Garrison, and he nodded at me, to show that he understood that Cartman would drag this out forever if he could.

" Hunter it is!" Thank you Garrison!

"But Misteh Garrison, I didn't offer meh consent."

"Doesn't matter, Eric. Now, class you remember how a couple years ago, that apartment complex on Main Street went out of business? The owners of the property agreed to let us use the building for educational purposes. Gather your things, we're going there now."

Everyone gathered their bags and babies. I looked at Cartman. He sighed and opened his arms. I smiled and passed him Hunter. I gathered my stuff and followed the class outside. I sighed. It's just my luck to get stuck with Cartman, end up being the only one in the class with twins, and have to live with him FOR TWO WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS! I noticed that Alex was dropping back to walk with me. Uh oh. Not good, she was _smirking_.

"Hey, Kyle." she sing-songed.

"Hiiii?" It came out as more of a question.

"I bet you're pretty happy at being paired with Cartman."

I sighed. Once again, I'd forgotten that she knew.

About _that_.

My crush on Eric Cartman.

God _DAMN_ it.

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Ok, so wadya think? _**AGAIN, NO FALMES PLEASE!**_ Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok so I got a review telling me that if Kyle was gonna be gay then that was wrong. let me make this very clear:_** KYLE AND CARTMAN ARE BOTH GAY IN THIS STORY. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT THEN STOP READING THIS STORY! **_Ok now that those who find this repulsive are gone, we can continue. On with the story!

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We are currently standing in the lobby of the school's apartment complex.

"Alright class, listen up. We had your parents pack your things and bring them here. They have been placed inside your apartments, and you should find them in the living room. Now here are your room numbers: Wendy and Stan, room 619, here is your key. Alexandra and Kenny, room 620, here is your key. Kyle and Cartman room 621, here is your key. . . why are guys just standing there!? Go upstairs and find your rooms, you're on the sixth floor." RIER! I'd hate to be you're scratching post Mr. Sour-puss-in-boots! I shifted Madi slightly in my arms, and made a mental note to buy a sling for her and Hunter. Me and Cartman walked over to the elevator, and stepped in with Alex, Kenny, Wendy, and Stan. I pushed the button with the little six next to it and it lit up with a DING! I heard Wendy shift slightly.

"OW! WENDY YOU BITCH! YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!"

Oh yeah, Alex has some anger problems. Wendy looked she was gonna cry. YES! MY HERO!

"BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! STAAAAAN! MAKE HER BE NICE TO ME!"

HAHAHA! I can't wait to hear what Alex says to that!

"ACCIDENTLY ON PURPOSE! I'M NOT RETARDED, BITCH!" Wendy would do well to let it drop. You can't win against Alex. Fighting is one of her strongest points. She argues a lot, and wins a lot. Though her anger issues have been getting better since she started field hockey.

"Alex apologize to Wendy!" Oh shit. And here I thought Stan knew better than to get involved.

"HELL WILL FREEZE OVER BEFORE _**I **_APOLOGIZE TO THAT BITCH! OPEN YOUR GODDAMN EYES STANFORD! SHE'S A LYING, UGLY, BACKSTABBING, **BITCH!"**

See, that's why you don't get involved. Alex has a lot of anger in her, and once she gets started, there's really no stopping her.

"I'M NOT AS UGLY AS YOU! YOU'RE THE BITCH! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME!"

Oh shit! Wendy better run. Oh yeah we're in an elevator. But she really shouldn't have called her ugly. Watch.

BAM! CRACK!

I guess it was a good thing Stan was holding (shudder) Prudence. Wendy is currently on the floor, crying, bleeding, and holding her nose. Hehehe! It's about time! Breaking her nose may have been a little overkill though.

DING! The elevator doors opened, and Alex, Kenny, Cartman, and me rushed out and left Stan to deal with Wendy.

Let's see . . . 613, 614, 615, 616, 617, 618, 619, 620 . . . ah 621. I opened the door and stepped inside.

The apartment was simple, but tasteful. The color scheme in the little entry way was beige. I took off my shoes and jacket and walked into the living room. True enough, my suitcase was there next to a slightly larger one, which I assume was Cartman's. The color scheme in here was blue. All different shades of blue. I liked it. I picked up my suitcase and walked down the hall, looking for my room. I found a door that looked promising, and pushed it open. I gasped. The room was almost identical to the one at my house! I dropped my suitcase and Madi on the bed. I ran over to my desk, and crawled under. I looked up half expecting to see my fourth grade handwriting on the underside of the desk. See when I was in fourth grade, I would write about whatever was bothering me underneath the desk. It was the only place my mom wouldn't look, so it was basically my diary. There was no writing on the underside of this desk. Good, 'cause if there had been, I would have been really freaked out.

I moved out from under, and began unpacking. I being the speed demon that I am, finished quickly. I sauntered over to the bed and picked up Madi.

"Let's go explore."

I stepped into the hall and turned left. Next to my door was a pink and blue door, the colors separated by a thin purple line along the diagonal. This must be the nursery. I pushed the door open, and entered.

The room was square. It was split in half, like the door, by a purple line. It stopped at the top of the window in the middle of the wall directly across from the door, and resumed it's run underneath and continued along the floor, stopping in front of the door and continuing up the small expanse of wall above the door, and along the ceiling. The left hand half was pink. Everything was pink. Not bright pinks, but soft pinks, some almost white. The headboard of the pink cradle was propped up against the window wall, in the corner. In the corner on the left side of the door wall was a light pink changing table, and a white dresser with pink knobs and accents sat between them. Next to the cradle on it's right was a pink toy box. The right hand half was identical except in blue. And lastly underneath the window, was a rocking chair. I smiled and walked out, shutting the door behind me. In the same hall were two bathrooms, a closet, a play room (with more toys than those toy box's could hold), and Cartman's room. Speaking of which, where is the fatass? Probably in the kitchen, stuffing his face.

I walked into the living room, and went through the door that had a spork on it. I'm assuming this meant kitchen. What kind of retard uses a spork? Oops, better not let Alex hear me saying that, she'll murder me! She loves sporks. Anywho, I pushed open the two-way, swinging door, and sure enough there was Cartman, cheesy poofs in hand, Hunter in highchair.

"What the hell fatass, we've only been here, like five minutes and you're already stuffing your face! What's your problem?"

"Well, Kahl, you see people . . . tend to eat . . . when they're hungry. I, just so happened to be . . . hungry. Though, I don't suppose you'd know, you be an anorexic jew." He said this like I was retarded, like he was superior to me.

"I'm not anorexic, fatass. I'm diabetic, which gives me certain restrictions to what I can eat, and because I'm jewish, I can also only eat thing that are kosher." Why am I telling him this? It's not like he cares.

"Well, jew, I'm sure there are plenty of people in your condition with more meat on their bones." Huh? He almost sounds . . . concerned. I _must_ be going crazy. But he _does_ have a point.

"I just _choose _ to eat healthier then most people. Got a problem?" Damn, Alex's rubbing off on me. She always says that when people question her.

Cartman raised his eyebrows. Yeah, I guess he noticed too.

"Not really, jew. But it looks like you do or you wouldn't get so defensive."

"I'm not being defensive!" Oh that was kind of defensive.

"Whatever you say! But Madi must be getting heavy, why don't you rest those scrawny, jew arms and put her down." I glared at him, but put her down anyway. He was right, she was getting heavy.

"My arms are not scrawny! Besides, I've been carrying her longer then you, you lazy asshole."

"Kahl, you need some jew anger management classes, because you snap at the littlest things." What pissed me off the most was that he was right.

As I opened my mouth to retort, someone knocked on the door.

"Stay with the kids Cartman, I'll get it." I knew that I probably didn't need to tell him to stay, he seemed quite reluctant to leave the kitchen . . . and the cheesy poofs.

I jogged to the door and opened it. And I was suddenly on the ground, flat on my back. All I could hear were squeals, and Kenny yelling to 'get off of him!'. And then I could breathe. I inhaled deeply.

"Nice going, Alex, you almost suffocated him!" Of course, I should have known. Only Alex is annoying enough to squash you in greeting.

"Spill."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, spill. Tell me everything!" What is this girl yammering about now?

"What are you talking about?"

She sighed in exasperation, dragged me by my arm into my room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kenny smirk and waltz into the kitchen with Arianna in his arms. Then I heard Cartman shout in surprise. And then we were in my room, and I couldn't hear anything else.

Alex sat on my desk and looked at me expectantly. I raised an eyebrow at her in question, and sat on my bed. She sighed again.

"Sooo?"

"Sooo, what?" Yeah that's right I'm gonna make her say it.

"Goddammit, Kyle, you know what I'm talking about!" Hehehe, I'm so evil!

"If I knew would I be asking?"

"Yes! But fine. I'll play your little game. So tell me Kyle what happened?"

"What do you mean 'what happened'?"

"Did you guys, um, 'christen' the place yet?" Oh my god.

"GOD NO! But I bet you and Kenny did . . .?" Hahaha, she's gonna hate me for that.

"HA! He wishes!"

"Don't mean _you _wish?"

"Um, no. Anyways, did you _kiss?_" She's never gonna let this drop is she?

"No, Alex, no we did not." She looks disappointed.

"Why the hell not!?" Is she serious?

"Alex, first of all, this is Cartman we're talking about--"

"SO?" Sigh!

"_SO_-- he's too stupid, stubborn, and STRAIGHT to kiss me. Second, I don't wanna kiss him, at least not yet, so would you let it drop!?" I hate the fact that she's the only one who knows about my infatuation with Cartman. Not even Stan knows. And I didn't even tell her at first! She figured it out on her own.

"Fine." Huh?

"What?"

"I said fine, I'll let it drop _for now_."

"I knew it was to good to be true." She stuck her tongue out at me, and opened her mouth to retort, when we heard a huge crash from the kitchen. We exchanged worried glances, then rushed out of the room.

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OOOO cliffy! what was the crash!? you'll find out tomorrow! Hehehe! anyways, PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU READ! even if it's just to say good job. reviews are fuel, the more reviews i get the faster i update. I give cookies to those who review! also sorry it took me so long, my beta is refusing to give me the edited copy so i just posted this, cuase i figured you guys would be tired of waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

Alright special thanks to my regular reviewers for their supporting reviews. Ok, someone said that Alex doesn't have a point in the story? well she does. she's Kyle's confident. he talks to her because he's afraid of what other people might think. I don't want to hear any more bad stuff about her. She's my write in and I'll do what I want with her. Also, they said that it seems like i really hate Wendy. I don't, I just need someone in this story to be a bitch, and she was there so . . . yeah. Ok, one quick clarification: when I say the kitchen, I mean kitchen/dining room, like the kitchen opens up and shows the dining room. Sorry it took so long to update, I just got really busy. Ok enough yammering on with story!

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_**Quick recap:**_

_"__**SO**__-- he's too stupid, stubborn, and STRAIGHT to kiss me. Second, I don't wanna kiss him, at least not yet, so would you let it drop!?" I hate the fact that she's the only one who knows about my infatuation with Cartman. Not even Stan knows. And I didn't even tell her at first! She figured it out on her own. _

_"Fine." Huh?_

_"What?"_

_"I said fine, I'll let it drop __**for now**__."_

_"I knew it was to good to be true." She stuck her tongue out at me, and opened her mouth to retort, when we heard a huge crash from the kitchen. We exchanged worried glances, then rushed out of the room.

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_

We sprinted toward the kitchen, and all I could think was 'I hope everyone's okay'. We reached the spork door and I flung it open, and I was met with a very strange sight. Madi and Arianna were sitting in the same highchair, looking a little bit squished. But Cartman and Kenny's position really freaked me out. Cartman had Kenny up against the wall, a couple inches off the ground, with his arm at his throat looking extremely pissed off. Kenny, however, looked satisfied, like what he wanted was to push Cartman until his slow burning anger finally exploded.

"Cartman get the hell off of him you bastard!" Cartman let go and Kenny dropped to the ground, gasping for air. Alex rushed over to him, and stared checking him over. I turned to Cartman and raised an eyebrow.

" What did you break?"

"Huh? What are you talking about, jew?"

"We heard a crash. That's why we came running . . . ?" I said this like I was explaining to a two year old.

"Oh." He turned around and pointed silently at the broken chair Cartman had knocked over in his haste to get at Kenny. I sighed.

"Dumb ass, can't you do anything right?"

As Cartman opened his mouth Alex interrupted.

"Well, seeing as you two are setting up for another of your lover's spats, we'll just be going." She picked up Arianna, and started walking out of the kitchen.

"WE'RE NOT GODDAMN LOVERS!" Whoa, me and Cartman just said that at the same time. That was weird.

"Yet." Her and Kenny sprinted out the door.

"Your friends are insane."

"Yes, Cartman, yes they are."

I walked into the kitchen.

"What do you want for dinner?" I called over my shoulder.

"Mac 'n' Cheese." How old is he again? But I walked over to the pantry and started searching for Mac 'n' Cheese. I pulled out the blue Craft® box, then turned it over and looked at the side. I decided that with what I've eating today, I could eat this for dinner. I opened it and dumped the contents out on the cutting board. What the hell? I'll make the lot.

I pulled a big mixing bowl out of the cabinet and set it on the counter. I threw all the packets into the bowl, and threw away all the wrappers but one. I followed the instructions on the remaining packet. When I was finished I spooned some out into two bowls, and set them on the table.

"You're a good little housewife, aren't you jew?" I rolled my eyes again. Funny, I don't think I did that before I met Cartman. I looked at the table and sighed again. I don't think I did that before I met him either.

"Cartman, setting the table means water and forks, not just napkins and place-mats. God, can't you do anything right!?" He glared at me as I walked back into the kitchen. I filled two water glasses and set them on the table. But when I opened the drawer to get forks, I almost screamed in frustration. There were two slots in the drawer, one had knives, and the other had, guess what? SPORKS! THEY EXPECTED US TO USE SPORKS FOR TWO. WHOLE. FUCKING. MONTHS! I can't do this. I can't do this. I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS!

"What's the matter, Jew?"

I'm pretty sure my eye was twitching as I turned around to look at him. I silently held up a spork.

"What's the matter? THEY FUCKING EXPECT US TO FUCKING USE FUCKING SPORKS FOR TWO WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS!" Yeah I do have some anger issues. But, I have gotten better. Maybe.

Much to my dismay, Cartman just burst out laughing.

"That's what you're so frustrated about!? HEH! Dude, just get over it, and bring me some utensils, I'm hungry and my dinner's getting cold!"

I sighed ONCE AGAIN, and brought the sporks to the table. I handed one to Cartman, and stuck my own into the bowl, dismally digging into my dinner.

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Sorry this chapter was so short. since it worked for my other story,**_ im not updating again until i get_** _**AT LEAST 15 reviews**_. so let's go with:

Kyle: if you loved it

Cartman: if you thought it was ok

Wendy: If you hated it

PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU READ! also if you have ideas for the story, p.m. me, or tell me in a review, because i kinda sorta have writer's block, so send me love and ideas! and i will give pie to those who review! who doesn't love pie!?


	4. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: DO NOT SKIP!

sorry, false alarm! BUT PLEASE READ IT IS VERY IMPORTANT! hopefully that got your attention. Im really sorry to everyone who was enjoying this story. Im putting it on hold for a little while (at least until the end of the summer). I have too much to do, plus two other stories Im working on, and this is the one with the least reviews. BUT DON'T WORRY! I WILL BE BACK IN SEPTEMBER AND I WILL WRITE LOTS AND LOTS AND TRY TO FINISH THIS STORY! you may occasionally get a chapter from me, but i'm very busy. so sorry, especially figure.10, my most dedicated reviewer. i promise i'll be back in september, and then . . . THE MAYHEM WILL ENSUE! see you when the leaves fall.

~mediwitch3 :'(


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